It may be cliche, but on New Years Eve I am sitting here reminiscing. Most people I know seem to be ready to give 2012 the ol heave ho, apparently it wasn't a good year for them. For a few years I felt the same way. But this year I'm reflecting and thinking....you know, it really wasn't a bad year. Not particularly spectacular, but not horrible. It had its ups and downs. But I'm going to focus on the ups for a second.
-On January 23rd I allowed the kids to outnumber the adults in our home. I had a completely perfect homebirth and joyfully welcomed Vlad into our family.
-Husband and I decided to take a leap of faith and have Husband focus full time on ministry.
-Rascal potty trained. Mostly.
-Diva Girl has started learning how to read. Yay literacy!
-Overall, the kids have made some amazing progress and have made us so proud.
-I went back to doing something that I love and discovering life beyond Autism Land.
Some pretty good highlights this year!
After looking back, I then look forward to the blank slate that is 2013. I usually don't really stretch myself on the resolutions. Typically, I resolve to do something that is pretty much inevitable. Last years resolution was "Give birth!" But this year I am going to push myself a bit. And I'm putting it on here so I can be held accountable!
-I will spend less time with my face in a screen. Between this computer, the tv, and my very addictive phone, I fear my children rarely see my face. Need to change that.
-I will become a Director with BeautiControl and earn a trip to New York City along the way! I'm particularly excited about this one. I also want to help one other wonderful woman earn a trip too! So let me know if you want to help me or go with me, this resolution isn't something I want to do on my own.
-I will cook more. Even if I don't like it.
-I will keep my friendships going strong. I've been reconnecting with people and I don't want to get so wrapped up in my own little life that I forget again how to be a good friend. Friendship is one of the most beautiful gifts that God gives us in life, I don't intend to waste that gift.
-I will date my husband. At least once a month, preferably twice. Gotta keep things interesting!
Ok, I think that's enough to keep me busy this year. Would love to hear your 2012 highlights and 2013 aspirations!
Monday, December 31, 2012
Monday, December 24, 2012
I Believe
It's Christmas Eve. The Christmas lights are twinkling and the presents are under the tree and I have that feeling of contentment in my heart. As I think about Christmas, I find myself thinking about my faith.
I don't often blog about my beliefs, I guess I leave that to my hubs (who writes, quite brilliantly, here) It's probably known to all who know me that I am a Christian. In fact, I'm wife to a Pastor, which still makes me laugh from time to time. I doubt anyone who went to youth group with me back in the day saw that coming. I certainly didn't! Because being a Christian encompasses so much of who I am, I rarely feel the need to write specifically about it I guess. But tonight I'm thinking about Christmas and about the blessings that have been poured out onto my family. And I'm thinking about the families who lost their children so recently, who quite possibly had presents all wrapped and ready for them. And I'm thinking about the conversations that have taken place around me since then. But mostly I'm thinking about believing.
Tomorrow we will wake up and rip open presents in celebration of the fact that a baby came long ago to save the world. When I think about it, it sounds completely absurd, and not just because I know that Jesus wasn't born on December 25th. There are many times that I've sat in church and I suddenly step outside of the fact that I've been raised in this faith tradition and I think to myself- Wow, this sounds completely nuts. If I were someone who just stepped into a church for the first time and heard the Apostles Creed, I would think we were all mad.
"I believe in God, the Father Almighty,
the Creator of heaven and earth,
and in Jesus Christ, His only Son, our Lord:
Who was conceived of the Holy Spirit,
born of the Virgin Mary,
suffered under Pontius Pilate,
was crucified, died, and was buried..."
I don't often blog about my beliefs, I guess I leave that to my hubs (who writes, quite brilliantly, here) It's probably known to all who know me that I am a Christian. In fact, I'm wife to a Pastor, which still makes me laugh from time to time. I doubt anyone who went to youth group with me back in the day saw that coming. I certainly didn't! Because being a Christian encompasses so much of who I am, I rarely feel the need to write specifically about it I guess. But tonight I'm thinking about Christmas and about the blessings that have been poured out onto my family. And I'm thinking about the families who lost their children so recently, who quite possibly had presents all wrapped and ready for them. And I'm thinking about the conversations that have taken place around me since then. But mostly I'm thinking about believing.
Tomorrow we will wake up and rip open presents in celebration of the fact that a baby came long ago to save the world. When I think about it, it sounds completely absurd, and not just because I know that Jesus wasn't born on December 25th. There are many times that I've sat in church and I suddenly step outside of the fact that I've been raised in this faith tradition and I think to myself- Wow, this sounds completely nuts. If I were someone who just stepped into a church for the first time and heard the Apostles Creed, I would think we were all mad.
"I believe in God, the Father Almighty,
the Creator of heaven and earth,
and in Jesus Christ, His only Son, our Lord:
Who was conceived of the Holy Spirit,
born of the Virgin Mary,
suffered under Pontius Pilate,
was crucified, died, and was buried..."
Yep. Completely bonkers. Then add in all of the bad in the world, all of the evil. How does anyone believe in a God, if this is His grand creation?
Yes, I've thought all of these things. In the midst of the darkest days, when all I could see of my life was the grief of "losing" my children to autism and dealing with multiple miscarriages...I can't say that I never doubted. Sometimes it seems like there are two kinds of Christians- the ones who, in the face of tragedy, grow closer to God and lean on Him for strength, and the ones who question Him and grow angry. I am, apparently, the latter (side note: I've moved past this for the most part, or at least the angry part.) I used to think this made me a horrible Christian, and perhaps not a Christian at all. I've come to believe that it is more of a reflection of my personality. If you know me at all, you know that I question everything, that I am a researching maniac and second guesser. I have a hard time choosing a dinner entree or a parenting methodology. Choosing to get up every day and believe that there is a God who loves me and who gave his son so that I could be saved? Tricky.
But I do believe. I believe that He came, as a baby, as a miracle. I believe that He loves me. I believe that He loves you. I am not nearly eloquent enough to explain all of the reasons why I believe...and tonight I have no desire to. There will always be reasons to doubt. That is why it is called Faith.
And as I sit here in the glow of the Christmas tree lights, I'm so very glad I believe. I'm so very glad I can rest in the assurance that Christ has come, so that all might have the joy and hope that He brings us, that He brings to me in the midst of the chaos of my life. I believe, I believe, I believe!
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Blessed
My mind has been mulling over a lot today, so we'll see exactly what I end up sharing here. I may just go all stream of consciousness and see what comes out. Well....as much as I can, considering I still have children awake.
Mainly, I've been thinking about all of this amazing stuff that has been happening for us. I'm not bragging, I'm honestly still just shocked that so much has been going our way lately. First, you should already know that everything has turned out amazingly well for Diva Girl's school. Since then it seems like one thing after another has fallen into place. A local company has given our kids a Christmas full of gifts that are perfect for them and a friend provided them with gifts for every day of Advent. While Christmas is about much more than presents, we weren't sure if we would be able to do anything for the kids at all this year....and now they have so many presents that we will probably hold some stuff back to give them for their birthdays the next month so they won't be overwhelmed. I'm still in awe.
We have chosen which school we will send Diva Girl to next year and are actually comfortable with it, which is a pretty big deal considering I swore I would never put her in public school. Now we just have to move to the west side of town, which is great because our church is out there too. Which means that we might just get to move to a place that gives our kid a much needed yard to play in! Goodness knows they need some running space.
It just...feels like everything is good right now. I don't experience that very much. Yesterday my therapist actually said, in surprise, "Oh, well, everything seems to be great! What's that feel like?" It made me laugh, and reflect. I realize that for quite a while I've been a "glass half empty" kind of girl. Life has thrown some hard things our way. And while I try to combat that with a lot of humor and laughter, I still tend to have a pretty negative mindset.
If you don't already know, I'm a spa girl. That means that I do pampering sessions for women in their homes, offices, schools, wherever, and I get to use and sell the most amazing products! It is honestly something that I absolutely enjoy and is the one thing that I do that is completely outside of my role of "mommy". I get to escape the house, And I've met some truly fabulous ladies through it. And these ladies are always sharing their stories of success, and I see them growing right before my very eyes, month after month. But then I always walk away and think to myself...yeah, but that's them. And I'm ME. Good things don't happen to me. Boo hoo.
Gosh, I annoy myself.
The whole reason I started thinking about my blessings today is because of my spa sisters. I really think that God has used them to show me how blessed I am today and how much more he wants to bless me tomorrow, and the day after that, and on and on and on. For the first time in a long time I'm thinking...why not me? Why can't I be successful at something that I love to do? Why can't I bless other women through my business? Why can't I provide for my kids this way?
Today, I just imagine God smiling down on me and saying "Oh honey, I know you've had it hard. But the blessings have come...and just wait and see what I still have in store for you. Keep working hard. Keep looking to me."
Mainly, I've been thinking about all of this amazing stuff that has been happening for us. I'm not bragging, I'm honestly still just shocked that so much has been going our way lately. First, you should already know that everything has turned out amazingly well for Diva Girl's school. Since then it seems like one thing after another has fallen into place. A local company has given our kids a Christmas full of gifts that are perfect for them and a friend provided them with gifts for every day of Advent. While Christmas is about much more than presents, we weren't sure if we would be able to do anything for the kids at all this year....and now they have so many presents that we will probably hold some stuff back to give them for their birthdays the next month so they won't be overwhelmed. I'm still in awe.
We have chosen which school we will send Diva Girl to next year and are actually comfortable with it, which is a pretty big deal considering I swore I would never put her in public school. Now we just have to move to the west side of town, which is great because our church is out there too. Which means that we might just get to move to a place that gives our kid a much needed yard to play in! Goodness knows they need some running space.
It just...feels like everything is good right now. I don't experience that very much. Yesterday my therapist actually said, in surprise, "Oh, well, everything seems to be great! What's that feel like?" It made me laugh, and reflect. I realize that for quite a while I've been a "glass half empty" kind of girl. Life has thrown some hard things our way. And while I try to combat that with a lot of humor and laughter, I still tend to have a pretty negative mindset.
If you don't already know, I'm a spa girl. That means that I do pampering sessions for women in their homes, offices, schools, wherever, and I get to use and sell the most amazing products! It is honestly something that I absolutely enjoy and is the one thing that I do that is completely outside of my role of "mommy". I get to escape the house, And I've met some truly fabulous ladies through it. And these ladies are always sharing their stories of success, and I see them growing right before my very eyes, month after month. But then I always walk away and think to myself...yeah, but that's them. And I'm ME. Good things don't happen to me. Boo hoo.
Gosh, I annoy myself.
The whole reason I started thinking about my blessings today is because of my spa sisters. I really think that God has used them to show me how blessed I am today and how much more he wants to bless me tomorrow, and the day after that, and on and on and on. For the first time in a long time I'm thinking...why not me? Why can't I be successful at something that I love to do? Why can't I bless other women through my business? Why can't I provide for my kids this way?
Today, I just imagine God smiling down on me and saying "Oh honey, I know you've had it hard. But the blessings have come...and just wait and see what I still have in store for you. Keep working hard. Keep looking to me."
 |
| Box o Blessings! |
Sunday, December 2, 2012
Keep on Keepin on
For those of you who haven't already heard the news:
WE DID IT!!!!!!!!
What is "IT"? In a nutshell- We fought the system and won. Diva Girl's therapy is going to be paid for by the public education system. We will even be reimbursed for some of the months that they should have been providing her with services and didn't. Quite honestly, I'm still shocked. This sort of thing just doesn't happen, at least not to anyone who doesn't have loads of money to hire lawyers. Well, that's what I always thought until now.
I've had a few people want to talk over it all with me, they want to know what magic we've worked. The same thing happened after we got ABA therapy through TEIS. They ask for advice and I feel a bit sheepish giving it because the truth is that in many ways we have just plain been blessed. Sure, I can give some basic advice about how we did things, the kind of language we used, etc., but really...I don't feel like some brave warrior who went to battle and won. I feel like a tired old woman who had her prayers answered.
I almost gave up. I almost wanted to walk away and let them get away with completely failing at providing my daughter with what she has a legal right to. Because they seemed so big and strong and completely uncaring. Because it takes money to fight, most of the time, and we are sorely lacking in that department. The stress of it all was wearing on me in ways that are hard to describe. I cried with relief when I realized that we were getting everything she needed.
And even now, in the midst of that relief...in the back of my mind I know that this is a fight that never ends. In January Rascal will be evaluated and we will being the process of dealing with Metro with him. In August Diva Girl will redo Kindergarten in a local school. And there will be more IEP meetings and more fights. That is my job, to speak up for my kids and ensure that they get the services they need and the education that they deserve. Just thinking of it makes me so fully exhausted that I just want to crawl back into bed and hibernate.
So I will push all that out of my mind and try to revel in the moment. My kids are getting what they need, for now, and making spectacular progress! We will keep fighting, as many times as we need to. And I can't help but hope that maybe I can somehow make this battle a little easier on other families in the future. Raising children with special needs is hard enough, we really don't need the added stress of trying to make schools do what they are legally obligated to do. Our kids deserve better than that.
These kids deserve so much more.
WE DID IT!!!!!!!!
What is "IT"? In a nutshell- We fought the system and won. Diva Girl's therapy is going to be paid for by the public education system. We will even be reimbursed for some of the months that they should have been providing her with services and didn't. Quite honestly, I'm still shocked. This sort of thing just doesn't happen, at least not to anyone who doesn't have loads of money to hire lawyers. Well, that's what I always thought until now.
I've had a few people want to talk over it all with me, they want to know what magic we've worked. The same thing happened after we got ABA therapy through TEIS. They ask for advice and I feel a bit sheepish giving it because the truth is that in many ways we have just plain been blessed. Sure, I can give some basic advice about how we did things, the kind of language we used, etc., but really...I don't feel like some brave warrior who went to battle and won. I feel like a tired old woman who had her prayers answered.
I almost gave up. I almost wanted to walk away and let them get away with completely failing at providing my daughter with what she has a legal right to. Because they seemed so big and strong and completely uncaring. Because it takes money to fight, most of the time, and we are sorely lacking in that department. The stress of it all was wearing on me in ways that are hard to describe. I cried with relief when I realized that we were getting everything she needed.
And even now, in the midst of that relief...in the back of my mind I know that this is a fight that never ends. In January Rascal will be evaluated and we will being the process of dealing with Metro with him. In August Diva Girl will redo Kindergarten in a local school. And there will be more IEP meetings and more fights. That is my job, to speak up for my kids and ensure that they get the services they need and the education that they deserve. Just thinking of it makes me so fully exhausted that I just want to crawl back into bed and hibernate.
So I will push all that out of my mind and try to revel in the moment. My kids are getting what they need, for now, and making spectacular progress! We will keep fighting, as many times as we need to. And I can't help but hope that maybe I can somehow make this battle a little easier on other families in the future. Raising children with special needs is hard enough, we really don't need the added stress of trying to make schools do what they are legally obligated to do. Our kids deserve better than that.
These kids deserve so much more.
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