I find myself feeling quite in love this evening.
Had a pretty good day, and I'm just feeling grateful. Grateful for a husband who loves me and adores me (which I still find myself being surprised by...I mean, really...me?) Grateful for a daughter who is funny and gorgeous and opinionated. Grateful for a son who is delightful and loving and giggly.
I complain far too much considering all that I have to be grateful for.
We've got love, the rest is just details.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
The many faces of progress
Alright folks, it's time for some honesty.
Unless you just haven't read anything I've written or haven't talked to me in weeks then you know that there has been some major Progress round here lately. There is a little girl that I have the priveledge of raising that has been ROCKING everyone's world. She is talking and interacting and just so very present in a way that she hasn't been in a long time.
But there is almost always a price for Progress.
First, I have to make an admission. There are certain things that I've held onto about that time before Diva Girl regressed. I have always held a certain amount of pride over anything that is not considered an autistic trait. For example, the fact that she is extremely affectionate is a great joy to me and something that I don't take for granted. But the thing that I've been pretty proud of (as though it had anything to do with me, HA) is that she has never been the kind of kid that needed a schedule. We've always been able to do things spontanously, take her to plenty of places. I always thought "well, at least she's not one of those kids that melts down anytime we go off schedule!" Ahhh. Those were the days.
See, she is becoming one of "those kids". You know, the one that wants things the same, every day. The one that completely freaks out if you give her a response she isn't expecting or take her to a new place. The one that cries through a meal because mommy wasn't sitting in her usual spot at the table. The one that will throw herself screaming on the ground because we didn't button up her coat all the way like we're supposed to.
This change has not been fun. I've fought this for a while, trying desperately to cling to this idea that she is still pretty easygoing. I kept saying "I don't know why she does so well at BCA and is so angry at home!" "I don't know why she has these meltdowns!" "It's just a phase..."
Then one night it clicked. I climbed out of my hole of denial and took a good look at my daughter again. And what I realized is that there is a reason why things have changed. It's called Progress. Yep, it's all because of Progress, believe it or not. See, we were able to go anywhere and do anything because she just didn't care. Sure we could take her out to 4 different places in a row before...but she wasn't really there with us. She was humming, she was singing the Wonderpets theme, she was running back and forth. She cares now! She knows where mommy is supposed to sit and what she eats when we go out and who is with us. And that's a good thing, even if it does make life harder.
But it does make life harder for now. I'm still figuring out how to deal with this new aspect of Progress. How am I going to find time to take pictures of everything and everywhere, print them out, laminate them, and create schedules and social stories? And will that really help? I don't know. But I know we've got to do something to help her know what's coming next and help her deal with change.
I feel tired. And proud. Time to save up for an Ipad....
Unless you just haven't read anything I've written or haven't talked to me in weeks then you know that there has been some major Progress round here lately. There is a little girl that I have the priveledge of raising that has been ROCKING everyone's world. She is talking and interacting and just so very present in a way that she hasn't been in a long time.
But there is almost always a price for Progress.
First, I have to make an admission. There are certain things that I've held onto about that time before Diva Girl regressed. I have always held a certain amount of pride over anything that is not considered an autistic trait. For example, the fact that she is extremely affectionate is a great joy to me and something that I don't take for granted. But the thing that I've been pretty proud of (as though it had anything to do with me, HA) is that she has never been the kind of kid that needed a schedule. We've always been able to do things spontanously, take her to plenty of places. I always thought "well, at least she's not one of those kids that melts down anytime we go off schedule!" Ahhh. Those were the days.
See, she is becoming one of "those kids". You know, the one that wants things the same, every day. The one that completely freaks out if you give her a response she isn't expecting or take her to a new place. The one that cries through a meal because mommy wasn't sitting in her usual spot at the table. The one that will throw herself screaming on the ground because we didn't button up her coat all the way like we're supposed to.
This change has not been fun. I've fought this for a while, trying desperately to cling to this idea that she is still pretty easygoing. I kept saying "I don't know why she does so well at BCA and is so angry at home!" "I don't know why she has these meltdowns!" "It's just a phase..."
Then one night it clicked. I climbed out of my hole of denial and took a good look at my daughter again. And what I realized is that there is a reason why things have changed. It's called Progress. Yep, it's all because of Progress, believe it or not. See, we were able to go anywhere and do anything because she just didn't care. Sure we could take her out to 4 different places in a row before...but she wasn't really there with us. She was humming, she was singing the Wonderpets theme, she was running back and forth. She cares now! She knows where mommy is supposed to sit and what she eats when we go out and who is with us. And that's a good thing, even if it does make life harder.
But it does make life harder for now. I'm still figuring out how to deal with this new aspect of Progress. How am I going to find time to take pictures of everything and everywhere, print them out, laminate them, and create schedules and social stories? And will that really help? I don't know. But I know we've got to do something to help her know what's coming next and help her deal with change.
I feel tired. And proud. Time to save up for an Ipad....
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
I didn't do it...
I'm half in disbelief that this progress is real, and the other half of me is praying that it sticks.
My beautiful, smart, amazing little girl is using words. To communicate. She is talking to me, people!! She is telling me "all done" and "you're welcome" and "I'm sorry". Foods are being requested regularly, it's no longer like pulling teeth to get her to tell me what she wants. The change has been gradual, in that it's something we've worked at for months now, but at the same time it seems like she has suddenly just begun to decide to use her words.
Every day her daily notes from BCA are filled with excitement over this new chattiness, and I feel like our "team" is just bursting with pride. This is the breakthrough we've been hoping for, waiting for.
So it came up today (it was bound to come up)...what did I do? What did we change?
The answer is complex and simple at the same. The simple answer is...nothing. no diet changes, no vitamins or supplements, nothing "unlocked" this speech for her. The complex answer is...everything. We changed our lives and work every day with the team at BCA to encourage speech. We've done our best to be consistent and struggled through some tough phases and just kept pushing her.
The truth is, both of those answers are hard for me. I want guarantees. I want to know that if I do A, I will get B. I want to be able to ask other mom's what worked for them, implement it, and see results. But it just doesn't work that way, autism is too tricky for all that predictability. Us moms are left to comparing notes and trying this thing and that thing until we run out of money, and evaluating every word and action in hopes to see results. Then when we do see a difference we wonder if it was the supplements or the therapy or just plain luck.
Personally, we've tried enough things to thoroughly confuse my family memembers. GFCF for months, and she still regressed. Tried a few supplements. Dairy free, swore we saw a difference, then rethought it again. In the name of therapy we've acquired a trampoline, weighted vest, medical brushes, and more. The conclusion that I've come to is that a lot of it just doesn't work for Diva Girl. What we're doing now seems to be doing her a world of good, and that's all I know.
It's unfair. I want to be able to "fix" something. I want to be able to tell other moms "this is what we did and it will work for you!" But our kids are all so different and they respond to their own individual things.
I know that the puzzle piece is a symbol of autism. I'm starting to feel like Diva Girl is a puzzle that came with too many pieces and no picture. I just have to keep trying different combinations, and pray it falls into place, knowing that the end result will be a beautiful picture.
I always have enjoyed a good puzzle.
My beautiful, smart, amazing little girl is using words. To communicate. She is talking to me, people!! She is telling me "all done" and "you're welcome" and "I'm sorry". Foods are being requested regularly, it's no longer like pulling teeth to get her to tell me what she wants. The change has been gradual, in that it's something we've worked at for months now, but at the same time it seems like she has suddenly just begun to decide to use her words.
Every day her daily notes from BCA are filled with excitement over this new chattiness, and I feel like our "team" is just bursting with pride. This is the breakthrough we've been hoping for, waiting for.
So it came up today (it was bound to come up)...what did I do? What did we change?
The answer is complex and simple at the same. The simple answer is...nothing. no diet changes, no vitamins or supplements, nothing "unlocked" this speech for her. The complex answer is...everything. We changed our lives and work every day with the team at BCA to encourage speech. We've done our best to be consistent and struggled through some tough phases and just kept pushing her.
The truth is, both of those answers are hard for me. I want guarantees. I want to know that if I do A, I will get B. I want to be able to ask other mom's what worked for them, implement it, and see results. But it just doesn't work that way, autism is too tricky for all that predictability. Us moms are left to comparing notes and trying this thing and that thing until we run out of money, and evaluating every word and action in hopes to see results. Then when we do see a difference we wonder if it was the supplements or the therapy or just plain luck.
Personally, we've tried enough things to thoroughly confuse my family memembers. GFCF for months, and she still regressed. Tried a few supplements. Dairy free, swore we saw a difference, then rethought it again. In the name of therapy we've acquired a trampoline, weighted vest, medical brushes, and more. The conclusion that I've come to is that a lot of it just doesn't work for Diva Girl. What we're doing now seems to be doing her a world of good, and that's all I know.
It's unfair. I want to be able to "fix" something. I want to be able to tell other moms "this is what we did and it will work for you!" But our kids are all so different and they respond to their own individual things.
I know that the puzzle piece is a symbol of autism. I'm starting to feel like Diva Girl is a puzzle that came with too many pieces and no picture. I just have to keep trying different combinations, and pray it falls into place, knowing that the end result will be a beautiful picture.
I always have enjoyed a good puzzle.
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