The many faces of progress

Alright folks, it's time for some honesty.

Unless you just haven't read anything I've written or haven't talked to me in weeks then you know that there has been some major Progress round here lately. There is a little girl that I have the priveledge of raising that has been ROCKING everyone's world. She is talking and interacting and just so very present in a way that she hasn't been in a long time.

But there is almost always a price for Progress.

First, I have to make an admission. There are certain things that I've held onto about that time before Diva Girl regressed. I have always held a certain amount of pride over anything that is not considered an autistic trait. For example, the fact that she is extremely affectionate is a great joy to me and something that I don't take for granted. But the thing that I've been pretty proud of (as though it had anything to do with me, HA) is that she has never been the kind of kid that needed a schedule. We've always been able to do things spontanously, take her to plenty of places. I always thought "well, at least she's not one of those kids that melts down anytime we go off schedule!" Ahhh. Those were the days.

See, she is becoming one of "those kids". You know, the one that wants things the same, every day. The one that completely freaks out if you give her a response she isn't expecting or take her to a new place. The one that cries through a meal because mommy wasn't sitting in her usual spot at the table. The one that will throw herself screaming on the ground because we didn't button up her coat all the way like we're supposed to.

This change has not been fun. I've fought this for a while, trying desperately to cling to this idea that she is still pretty easygoing. I kept saying "I don't know why she does so well at BCA and is so angry at home!" "I don't know why she has these meltdowns!" "It's just a phase..."

Then one night it clicked. I climbed out of my hole of denial and took a good look at my daughter again. And what I realized is that there is a reason why things have changed. It's called Progress. Yep, it's all because of Progress, believe it or not. See, we were able to go anywhere and do anything because she just didn't care. Sure we could take her out to 4 different places in a row before...but she wasn't really there with us. She was humming, she was singing the Wonderpets theme, she was running back and forth. She cares now! She knows where mommy is supposed to sit and what she eats when we go out and who is with us. And that's a good thing, even if it does make life harder.

But it does make life harder for now. I'm still figuring out how to deal with this new aspect of Progress. How am I going to find time to take pictures of everything and everywhere, print them out, laminate them, and create schedules and social stories? And will that really help? I don't know. But I know we've got to do something to help her know what's coming next and help her deal with change.

I feel tired. And proud. Time to save up for an Ipad....