Try and Try Again

We all know the saying. "If at first you don't succeed..." But let's face it. Giving up sure does sound like the better option from time to time.

Diva Girl has been rather fearful of new places lately and that has made for some, um, interesting times out on the town. In other words, there is a whole lot of crying and screaming (mostly from her). And sometimes it seems like just keeping her home and only going out to familiar places is a pretty good plan. But then what? How suffocating would that be? And so out we go, and I push her out into the world. She is dragged, kicking and screaming, with me setting my jaw and telling her we are going to have fun if it kills us! I consider a new outing a success if she stops crying by the time we leave.

I'm not going to stop. If I don't push her, who will? As much as I hate those moments when we are out and she is laying on the floor screaming as though I am torturing her...I know those moments are stepping stones. I can step back and remind myself of how far she's come. And I remind myself that even the most normal of children have their own moments, their meltdowns. In fact, it has recently been brought to my attention that Diva Girl is excellent at eating out, something that was a huge issue only months ago! When a sweet older gentleman came to tell me that my children are well behaved, I may have literally glowed with pride. It didn't come easily, but what great accomplishment does?

Taking care of Mommy

There seems to be much more pressure nowadays to be and do everything as a mother. We're supposed to give our kids plenty of quality time and ensure they have opportunities for social interaction, help bring home the bacon (or help save plenty of bacon to afford staying home), cook like Betty Crocker, decorate like Martha Stewart, keep a clean home, and also carve out time to work on our marriages.

There is so much to keep up with. My calendar is riddled with doctors appointments, therapy appointments, and meetings. Volunteer commitments for church and school. But in the midst of these, there are pockets of time set aside for me. Mom's night out. Breakfast with friends. My "meetings" for ICAN and La Leche Leage that feel more like girl time talking about my favorite hobbies. I not only crave this time out of the house with grownups, but I need it.

Sometimes I feel guilty for the amount of time I get to spend on myself. But when I don't take these breaks, I quickly remember why I need them. I was born a social creature, and when I'm stuck in my tiny apartment with only my little loves for company, I go a bit stir crazy. A morning out with the ladies means a cheerful and productive afternoon, a mom with more patience and grace through the evening. When I have understanding friends to vent to, I don't let my frustrations out on my family. My mommy time keeps this family together.

So tomorrow I'll have breakfast with some wonderful friends. And Thursday evening, I'll go to mom's night out (my first real yoga session, double relaxation!). And you know what? I won't feel guilty about it.

After all, if mom's not happy...nobody's happy.

A letter to the "normal"

There are things that I wish everyone knew.

I get a lot of questions. A lot of questions with a lot of significant looks and pitying voices. Some days, this can drive me crazy, and that is how i find myself writing this today. So this is my letter to you, imaginary reader of my blog!

First, I want you to know that, yes, it is hard. Life is hard for many people, whether or not they have a special needs child. But yes, her special needs add a certain amount of complexity to motherhood. I have had to adjust to a new normal. My days are spent teaching my child the things that other children seem to learn through osmosis, it comes as easily to them as breathing! I teach her to point, to look at me, to answer to her name. She has days when I can't get through to her world and we clash against each other, each frustrated that the other doesn't seem to understand. Yes, it is hard.

But...

We are HAPPY! Our messy home is filled with laughter and silliness! And she is also constantly teaching me...about loving with abandon, trusting without fear, and living without judgement. I don't cry in bed every night. My child is alive and healthy! Her future is bright and her present is a gift beyond measure.

I have two beautiful, intelligent, happy children. I could use your prayers, but please don't pity me. I am blessed in ways that I never imagined were possible!