If you'd asked me a week ago if I wanted to get away from it all for a few days I would have said no. I really had no desire to leave Diva Girl. In my eyes she's still so young and she needs me.
Fast foward to this week.
Tomorrow I'm going to Atlanta with a good friend to be around something I am passionate about (besides lactating). And I'm going by myself. No babe in tow.
I am scared.
But I need this.
See, things have been kind of rough with the little lady this week. I'm going through a lot of changes and so is she. I'm also imposing some changes- such as the "no milk at night" rule. Some of this has made her mad and difficult, but the changes are necessary. It was either night-wean or get extremely unhappy and resentful of nursing, and thus ruining our nursing relationship. So even though she doesn't understand, I am really choosing the lesser of two evils.
Tonight she slapped me in the face. Twice. It stung my cheek, I swear there was a little toddler sized handprint on my cheek. But even more, it hurt me in my very soul. She was so angry when she did it, so purposeful. She looked me in the eyes and hurt me. Then she refused to say she was sorry. All I could do was cry.
So I left her with daddy and they had a talk and she apologized. I know she really was sorry, just as I really am sorry that our relationship has to go through these changes. But I think any hesitations about leaving her for a night left me. I need to do this so I can come back a better mother. Because the one that she's left with right now is running on empty.
I'll always come back for you, baby girl, I hope you understand.
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