All

People always ask me how I "do it all". The answer is simple.

I don't. Not even close. I maybe do half, on a good day.

I have no idea what gives people the impression that I am managing life very well. When they ask me how I am, my pat reply tends to be "Tired!" I don't exactly attempt to maintain any illusions that I have it all together. And yet- I swear I am applauded almost daily by women who can't believe I'm "doing it all"

What is this ALL that they speak of? A clean house? Well, one step into my home and you can clearly see that I don't have one of those. I'm a pretty poor home keeper. Dinners on the table? Please...I'm ashamed of the amount of McDonald's wrappers that can be found in my minivan at any given moment. Keeping up with our crazy schedule? You don't want to know how often we drop the ball and miss a therapy session or a meeting because I forgot to write it down.

Let's get real- What people are really saying is that they can't imagine life with 3 kids, 2 of them with an extra side of special. Well, I'm living it and I am still perplexed on how it happens. It's all I can manage to keep things going. We get up, I get the short people dressed and fed and semi-clean, and we go out into the world. Anything beyond the basics is utterly overwhelming to me at the moment.

I'm supposed to be homeschooling Diva Girl this year. Kindergarten, you know, the really hard stuff. I say "supposed to" because most days it hasn't really happened. I honestly don't know how people manage this. And this is coming from a woman who has wanted to homeschool since before I had children! I can't seem to even do the planning part, never mind the implementation. I mean, I'm supposed to cram several hours of school in among the shuttle service I provide for therapy? And the schedule of nursing, playing, and rocking a baby to sleep? And the cleaning and church and "social activities"? And the thought rises up, like panic, over and over again....I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this.

I'm afraid to admit that I really can't "do it all" because I so desperately want to. Really, I need to. We are severely lacking in choices. I have to get up tomorrow and "do it all" because there is no other option. The Kids must be fed and watered and therapied. The girl has to learn. The boys have to be nurtured. The Mom must be super woman. But how?



I wish I knew.