There are some days that make your heart hurt. Today is one of those days.

I wish I were a better mother. I wish that I didn't sit her in front of the tv when I have no idea what else to do. I wish I were the kind of mom that could make everyday things fun, that could come up with fun crafts and sing songs and take her on fun outings. I wish that there were more room for her to play and age appropriate toys for her to play with. I wish I had a camera so I could capture all the wonderful moments we do have together.

I wish I could give her what she deserves. I wish that when she cries for food that we don't have, I could tell her we could get some later. I wish that I could afford the kind of diet she really needs. I wish that there could be presents under the tree from mommy and daddy. I wish that she could have a jacket that fits and a hat and pajamas that don't hurt her neck.

I wish that I could take her to a doctor.

I wish that as I look into her sweet sleeping face that I could believe that she is unaffected by all of this...oh, how I wish.