The Friend Thing

Alright, ready to jump into my crazy mind?

I've been thinking (and we all know how dangerous that can be)about Diva Girl's social future. I mean, right now we aren't worried about her making friends and navigating a social life, but it's going to come up before we know it. So, as I was thinking about it, I wondered if she might be doomed. Because if it's up to ME to show her the way....yikes.

I am not exactly smooth in the world of making and keeping friends. I've got a pretty bad track record in this area. Growing up I was...how would you say it...a nerd. Loserish. I had a few good(ish) friends in elementary school. Middle school was a living nightmare for me. In high school I got a better grip on things, and made some friends. But I admit that I had a little problem with lying and making things up so that people would like me or find me interesting.

I started college with a clean slate, and have tried as much as possible since then to be myself, take it or leave it. Some people loved me, most people didn't care for me much. I was okay with that. And I think, for a while, that I was a pretty decent friend. I was caring, honest (sometimes TOO honest), giving, fun.

Entering the world of autism was rough on me, and even rougher on my friendships. I think I literally forgot how to be a good friend. My life was consumed by trying to figure out what was happening with my kiddo. It was all I could think about, all I could talk about. I was a pretty awful friend, and it didn't surprise me when people stopped hanging out with me. Can't exactly blame them.

But what about now? I think I'm coming out of that phase. But I am still all kinds of messed up when I am around other people! I get so excited about being with other adults sometimes that I just don't shut up. I can't remember what normal people talk about. My passions in life are my kids, cloth diapering, natural birth, breastfeeding, and autism world. So yeah, I'm boring but I talk to much, great combination. Sometimes I come home from hanging out and think "Wow...I really made an idiot of myself tonight. Awesome."

And this past week I realized that I have some pretty amazing and generous friends. Yet I haven't given a birthday gift to anyone in....oh, I can't remember how long. They're lucky if I remember their birthday at all. Boy do I suck.

Friends, it's time that I step up my game. I apologize for my lack of awesomeness over the past year and a half. To the old friends (Amy L, Jessica L, and Dee especially!), thanks for sticking with me and doing the many many things you've done to help my sorry butt out. To the newer friends (Alyse G, Jennie I, Liz U, and many others who I've met on the autism journey!) I can't believe I'm lucky enough to have convinced you that I'm not a complete waste of time!

Can't teach my kids how to have friends if I scare all of mine away. Gonna work on that.